


said the mad hatter

by TheJoysOfAMultishipper (Amemah)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Somewhat, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 18:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18722956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amemah/pseuds/TheJoysOfAMultishipper
Summary: “I am actually going to piss myself.” Tony declared in the sudden silence, and then fell apart in giggles that lasted a good three weeks.--Steve's Soulmark only gets more ridiculous once Nick Fury pushes a picture of a blue hedgehog at him and doesn't stop laughing.





	said the mad hatter

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not even going to apologise.

Steve took a deep breath and said the words he’d been saying too many fucking times since he woke up from the ice, hoping _this_ would be the last time. Please, let it be the last time, _please_. Tony Stark’s living room seemed a likely place for this to happen, though. “Sonic does _not_ look like a powerbottom.”

Silence. Complete and utter silence as every single one of the heads in the room turned to look at him. There were faces of horror, terror, fear, incredulousness, resignation – okay, not really. There were only about five people in the room. There _was_ one of utter delight, though – Tony, of course.

It was still silent as in one of the couches furthest from Steve, a lump of blankets wrestled and moved, and a hand holding a half-empty – Steve was a pessimist now, apparently – bottle of tequila managed to get free of the blankets. Then, an impressive mane of hair followed, and after that a gorgeous, beautiful face appeared. Dimly, he noticed Thor grinning wildly from his place beside the lump of blankets, but Steve was more focused on the beautiful face. The beautiful, absolutely  _enraged_ face.

“Put your judgy eyebrows away, asshole, and listen to me carefully,” She said, and Steve’s heart literally tripped in his chest, because the quiet menace in her voice was incredibly distracting in a way that would’ve made Nat smirk and _this was his literal soulmate!_ “Sonic is most definitely a powerbottom and Crash is _absolutely, completely_ topping that like there’s no fucking tomorrow.”

Steve steeled himself against the butterflies, _what the fuck_ , in this stomach to say what he’d promised himself he’d say when Dum Dum had looked at his words, choked on his laugh and then refused to explain himself. Of course, he’d had no problems telling the rest of the Commandos because they really had no respect for him at all. “If you had any fucking idea just how confused your words made me until I woke up in this century – actually, I still have no idea. I mean, what the _hell_ –? Who does this to another human being!?”

Sam looked as if many things suddenly made a lot of sense, such as: why did some SHIELD-agents look at Captain America as if he wasn’t completely okay? Tony… The less said about him and his current Gollum-impression, the better. Jane was wide-eyed, a little drunk and very delighted. Thor was literally vibrating in his happiness, his chest rumbling as if he was the god of thunder or something equally ridiculous. Steve’s soulmate, however, was not as happy.

“And you think _your_ words are any better? _Until I woke up in this century_ ,” She mocked, and – oh fuck. _Those_ were her words? _Sonic does not look like a powerbottom_ was bad enough, but that wasn’t even her words? Her hair really was incredibly luscious, though. So were her lips. Her eyes – so blue, incredibly vibrant. “I mean, _honestly_! Do you have any idea how confusing _that_ was to grow up with? What the hell is _powerbottom_ compared to _woke up in this century_?!”

“A _powerbottom_ , since you asked so nicely, is a hell of a lot when you’re a Captain and your men have no respect for you! They kept looking at me and _giggling_! Do you understand how many missions got fucked up because they suddenly started laughing? They wouldn’t even tell me what a powerbottom _was!”_

Steve ignored Tony’s current impression of a fish gasping for its last breath, flailing its life away on the docks as if it had any purpose in the universe at all. Sam’s manic grin suggested he was on his way to taking over the Gollum-impressions.

“ _Woke up in this century!”_ She yelled, finally freeing herself from the blankets and almost falling over the back of the couch as she stumbled towards him. 

Jane laughed, something warm and drunk and happy, and his soulmate seemed to settle a little at the sound. “How much time have we spent trying to figure what Darcy actually _said_?”

Darcy. Her name was Darcy. What an absolutely magnificent name. Utterly perfect.

“Powerbottom. You have powerbottom stamped on your body. _Forever_.” Tony’s voice was pure glee, Tony’s face was pure glee, and Steve was never going to live this down. He splayed happily on the floor, as if all his wishes had come true.

And huh, that was sort of the point, wasn’t it? Forever, and wishes coming true. Steve had reached Darcy almost without noticing he’d moved – or maybe she’d reached him – and by the look on her face, she’d had the same realization he’d had. The ridiculous faded away, just a little bit, and the two of them were left. Steve waited with bated breath, until she broke into a wide smile that had him wondering if he’d turned asthmatic again. Darcy. Her name was Darcy, there was a bottle of tequila in her hand and a fish riding a bicycle on her t-shirt. Fate had gotten something right, _finally_. 

“Soulmate.” She said, grinning up at him, and Steve couldn’t stop himself from grinning back if the world depended on it.

“Soulmate.” He affirmed happily, nodding his head.

“I’ve sort of made a career out of saying outrageous things to people, and I don’t think I’ll be able to stop just because I’ve found you.”

“That… Sounds pretty perfect, actually.”

“ _Powerbottom_.” Tony whispered to himself, back to sounding like Gollum. “ _In this century_.” Then he cackled, because of course he did.

“Steve,” Sam said, a note of _something_ in his voice. “How many times have you walked into a room and declared Sonic wasn’t a powerbottom?”

Steve very pointedly didn’t answer, but didn’t stop smiling either. Darcy’s lipstick was smudged, her hair static from the throw blanket, and there were little clusters of yellow bees on her socks. Literally perfect.

In hindsight, he might even admit his Words were a little funny. But not to Tony.  

“Wait,” Darcy said, looking between Sam and Steve with a wrinkle in her brows. “Who... _explained_ it all to you?”

Steve made a pained, dying sound, ignoring Tony’s sudden stillness. It was nothing short of predatory. “Fury.”

“I am actually going to piss myself.” Tony declared in the sudden silence, and then fell apart in giggles that didn’t stop for a good three weeks. 

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr! Come yell at me for this abomination!](http://empresslucrezia.tumblr.com)


End file.
